Perfect Simplicity

I’m going to miss the Adam streaming. I’m going to lose precious alone time. I’m going to be told something that I don’t want to hear. I didn’t sleep at all last night, despite my meds. Who could with the chaos? I’m tired, I fell asleep in my favourite class taught by my favourite teacher. Ah well, I’m making it up to him with a coffee/brunch outing in a half hour. My head is pounding and it’s all I can do to not wear my sunglasses inside again like yesterday. I can’t handle light very much anymore anyways. Just gives me a migraine. I’m thinking that this fall when I go for an eye exam, I’m going to get prescription sunglasses and start wearing them everywhere like Bono. I’m cool enough to pull that off. Right? Whatever. I can’t drive without sunglasses anymore; night or day. I can barely handle being inside without the lights off or dimmed. I think something is wrong. Maybe it’s just my medicines that are making me more sensitive than normal. Maybe it’s just stress. What does it matter? It’s been getting worse for the past two-ish years now. Maybe I’m just over sensitive naturally or something.

Mostly, I’m just kind of numb. My head (migraine) is numb. My thoughts are numb. My emotions are numb. I made that glitter jar last night. It helped a little but I don’t think I got enough oil in it. The glitter kind of clumped up. XDD I also couldn’t find the food colouring. I might buy some on the way home. Blue and red. Or green. Purple and green are my favourite colours. They always make me feel better. I didn’t make it for cutting but just because I needed something quiet to distract me.

Just keep my brother and I in your prayers. We need it. His grades are dropping and he’s getting into more trouble because of this mess and my health is pretty much shot. Could also use a cookie or some black cherry Hagen Dass but I’ve lost about 10 pounds the past few weeks. I don’t want to gain it back. XD

On a brighter note, here’s a pretty picture I found on DeviantArt:

Now to go draw something. I hope. I’ve been staring at this paper for about ten minutes now. I can’t bring myself to draw anything even though I know that I need to. XD

I just want it to stop. I want it to stop so badly. I can’t take this. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired of the slamming, shouting, biting, hateful things happening here. I just want it to stop. I’m at the point now, that I don’t care how or why, I just want it to stop. I’m tired of the Bear and Wolf. They’ve done nothing but yell and scream and fight and tear into everything. Please make it stop.

God, I want it to stop. Please make them stop. I’m hurting so much from them. My brother is feeling the pain from the wounds they’ve inflicted. Just make them stop. I’m scared. I’m so scared.

The Bear and the Wolf are displeased with me. Again. I can’t do anything right, it seems. I’m sorry for caring? I think? I’m sorry that I’m trying to be the kind, loving, gentle girl that you want so much. I could be apathetic. That what you crazy animals want? I’m so tired of the people in my life right now. As soon as I graduate, I’m moving far, far away. I’m just tired of not being able to please them.

Why can’t the Animal Kingdom just have peace? What’s wrong with peace? Why can’t I just have a moment without everything getting loud and terrible? Seriously? Peace and quiet. That’s all I want.

but I feel a lot closer to you guys then the people that I see everyday. The people on Facebook? Psh. They don’t even touch the surface. If I make a complaint on there, nobody says anything. If I say that there’ something wrong? No one tries to comfort me.

On here? If I do the same thing, you guys jump over each other to comfort me. And I thank you. Thank you so much for being here for me when the people I see everyday are not.

One of the things about everyone on here, is that we’re all very much alike. We all are going through similar crap and are constantly working together to push each other through the trying times. You guys are the greatest ever and I hope that our friendships grow more than they are. :0)

• My Family: They walk around the house and are very quiet.
• Me: I dance, twirl, skip, and jump everywhere I go.
• I think that there's something wrong with my family...

‘grow a thicker skin’
And what makes you think that I don’t have thick skin? I internalize so much. I keep stuff to myself so that it doesn’t seem like I’m complaining. I hate complaining unless its warranted. People complain to me that I don’t open up enough but the few times that I do, they complain that I’m too soft and that I need to grow a thicker skin. I’m sorry for trying to fix the problem that you brought to my attention. Forgive me for trying to keep peace between us. Really. I’m very sorry that I’m human and am unable to please you.
I don’t need thicker skin. I need people to see that I hold back a lot for the sake of peace and because I just don’t like to talk about how I feel. I prefer to let other people tell me their problems instead of addressing my own. Sorry that I’ve decided to follow what you have requested and that you don’t like it. Fine. I’ll stop. I’ll hold it in for months on end until I can’t hold it anymore and release my furry on some poor sap that crosses me the wrong way.
I’m sorry that I don’t cry where people can see. I’m sorry that you’re the only ones who have seen it and therefore think that I’m a cry baby. I’m sorry for trying to open up to you like you wanted. I’m sorry for being an open book to you. I won’t let it out anymore. I won’t let it happen again. Happy now? No? Cool. Complain all you want and you won’t hear a peep from me.

Yes, I’m single. Yes, I’m a virgin. No, I’m not a lesbian. Yes, I’m 20. Yes, I’m watching anime.

There’s much worse that I could be doing.

I’ve been trying to record for the past half hour but people keep existing and therefore making too much noise. I give up for tonight.

This is incentive to move out when I finish college. I can record in peace. Ugh.

He’s pouting because I wouldn’t let him under the blanket for my nap. XD #dog #puppy #family #love (Taken with instagram)

sherlocked-inside-the-tardis:

simplysherlock:

sting-like-a-tracker-jacker:

r-u-n-awaywithme:

preetylittlebitch:

 along with Michael Jackson themed parties

beauty.

Also, we should kidnap our favorite artists. Thou shalt not share bands/actors/photographers/writers/etc with the rest of the world…

(via circuitflights)