Perfect Simplicity

It’s so frustrating because I’ve been drawing since I could hold a crayon and I’m JUST NOW starting to improve. Even then, I still suck compared to everyone else. I know that I shouldn’t compare myself to others because there has to be SOMEONE OUT THERE besides my mom who likes them. Ugh. It can be so disheartening when I post something that I’ve done and then when my screen is switched back to my dash, there’s a whole stream of art from heaven… Why? I swear they just like to make me angry and competitive. XD Ugh.

Ah well. One of these I’ll do something fantastic. I’ll get there one day. Maybe. Before I die at the age of 87…

It really ticks me off. We pay 25k a year and they can’t even give us decent wifi. What if I had a paper to turn in? You won’t let me on my email. What if I need to watch something for class on netflix? Too bad, go buy the freaking documentary with the money you don’t have or take an F. What if? Forget it. But! No. Didn’t you hear us?

So, you let me on tumblr and facebook and ask. Those are LITERALLY the only sites my computer will function on right now. How does that help me with my hw? It in fact, makes it worse. Just because we’re moving campuses next semester doesn’t give you the excuse to make us suffer an entire semester. Even the professors are irritated about it. Can they do anything about it? Nerp. Can we, the students do anything? Nerp. Oh, okay. No big deal. I’m sorry that the 25k wasn’t enough for you. I’d give you more but you’ve already taken every penny that I own so… we’re kinda at a draw.

Please fix the internet so that I may do my hw like a good nerd student. Mk? That’s all I want out of life. I just want to do my hw. Yeah, tumblr and facebook have their benefits, but not when I need to email a paper that’s due in 20 minutes.

I feel much better. My grades don’t, but I do. :P

‘grow a thicker skin’
And what makes you think that I don’t have thick skin? I internalize so much. I keep stuff to myself so that it doesn’t seem like I’m complaining. I hate complaining unless its warranted. People complain to me that I don’t open up enough but the few times that I do, they complain that I’m too soft and that I need to grow a thicker skin. I’m sorry for trying to fix the problem that you brought to my attention. Forgive me for trying to keep peace between us. Really. I’m very sorry that I’m human and am unable to please you.
I don’t need thicker skin. I need people to see that I hold back a lot for the sake of peace and because I just don’t like to talk about how I feel. I prefer to let other people tell me their problems instead of addressing my own. Sorry that I’ve decided to follow what you have requested and that you don’t like it. Fine. I’ll stop. I’ll hold it in for months on end until I can’t hold it anymore and release my furry on some poor sap that crosses me the wrong way.
I’m sorry that I don’t cry where people can see. I’m sorry that you’re the only ones who have seen it and therefore think that I’m a cry baby. I’m sorry for trying to open up to you like you wanted. I’m sorry for being an open book to you. I won’t let it out anymore. I won’t let it happen again. Happy now? No? Cool. Complain all you want and you won’t hear a peep from me.

Insomnia from the antidepressants, my ADHD meds and just the fact that I’m already an insomniac have reared their ugly heads. By the time I was ready to go to bed, it was past the time that I could take my sleep meds without having problems in the morning. To top it off, the fact that I didn’t have dinner just kicked me in the gut. That didn’t help with the not sleeping part.

So here I am, at 1 in the morning, blogging and eating a giant bowl of fruit loops with soy-milk instead of sleeping… haha oh well, tomorrow will be an easy day anyways so I’m not too worried…other that the fact that I can’t have caffeine until Lent is over and I’m supposed to be up at six so that I can be at work by 8… No big deal… Sorry for the rant. I try not to complain too much because then I just feel needy and annoying but I’m tired, grumpy, and still hungry…