Perfect Simplicity

I’m going to miss the Adam streaming. I’m going to lose precious alone time. I’m going to be told something that I don’t want to hear. I didn’t sleep at all last night, despite my meds. Who could with the chaos? I’m tired, I fell asleep in my favourite class taught by my favourite teacher. Ah well, I’m making it up to him with a coffee/brunch outing in a half hour. My head is pounding and it’s all I can do to not wear my sunglasses inside again like yesterday. I can’t handle light very much anymore anyways. Just gives me a migraine. I’m thinking that this fall when I go for an eye exam, I’m going to get prescription sunglasses and start wearing them everywhere like Bono. I’m cool enough to pull that off. Right? Whatever. I can’t drive without sunglasses anymore; night or day. I can barely handle being inside without the lights off or dimmed. I think something is wrong. Maybe it’s just my medicines that are making me more sensitive than normal. Maybe it’s just stress. What does it matter? It’s been getting worse for the past two-ish years now. Maybe I’m just over sensitive naturally or something.

Mostly, I’m just kind of numb. My head (migraine) is numb. My thoughts are numb. My emotions are numb. I made that glitter jar last night. It helped a little but I don’t think I got enough oil in it. The glitter kind of clumped up. XDD I also couldn’t find the food colouring. I might buy some on the way home. Blue and red. Or green. Purple and green are my favourite colours. They always make me feel better. I didn’t make it for cutting but just because I needed something quiet to distract me.

Just keep my brother and I in your prayers. We need it. His grades are dropping and he’s getting into more trouble because of this mess and my health is pretty much shot. Could also use a cookie or some black cherry Hagen Dass but I’ve lost about 10 pounds the past few weeks. I don’t want to gain it back. XD

On a brighter note, here’s a pretty picture I found on DeviantArt:

Now to go draw something. I hope. I’ve been staring at this paper for about ten minutes now. I can’t bring myself to draw anything even though I know that I need to. XD

I just want it to stop. I want it to stop so badly. I can’t take this. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired of the slamming, shouting, biting, hateful things happening here. I just want it to stop. I’m at the point now, that I don’t care how or why, I just want it to stop. I’m tired of the Bear and Wolf. They’ve done nothing but yell and scream and fight and tear into everything. Please make it stop.

God, I want it to stop. Please make them stop. I’m hurting so much from them. My brother is feeling the pain from the wounds they’ve inflicted. Just make them stop. I’m scared. I’m so scared.

They need to do it now.

Come on guys. How is this showing love to each other? You guys are better than this. Start acting like it. You can solve a problem without hair pulling and clawing. It CAN be done. I promise. You guys love each other but you’re treating each other like crap. Stop it. Please? Thanks.

Such empty promises!
Do you even know what you are doing?
Every word
Every action
Every FALSE word
Every FALSE action
Everything you do causes pain and destruction!
Why do you continue?
Why are you here?
What purpose do you serve in my life except misery?
I’m tired of the pain
The lies
The torment
The empty gifts and words.
I’m tired.
Just stop.
Stop and leave me be.
You’re my shadow.
My demon.
Go away and stop it!
My own Shadow Demon is enough.
I don’t need you feeding It.
It drags me down
Leaves me empty
Wishing I could hide away under a blanket and never come out.
You’re adding to it.
Please stop.
I’m hurting enough.
God and I are already fighting a battle.
I don’t want two fronts.
I can barely take the pressure of one.
I know my God has me
That He’ll protect me
He’ll fight for me when I am unable to fight by His side.
He will stop this in His time.
Not mine.
But you have the power to stop adding to it.
Stop fueling the Enemy.
I don’t need it from you too.