Perfect Simplicity

but I feel a lot closer to you guys then the people that I see everyday. The people on Facebook? Psh. They don’t even touch the surface. If I make a complaint on there, nobody says anything. If I say that there’ something wrong? No one tries to comfort me.

On here? If I do the same thing, you guys jump over each other to comfort me. And I thank you. Thank you so much for being here for me when the people I see everyday are not.

One of the things about everyone on here, is that we’re all very much alike. We all are going through similar crap and are constantly working together to push each other through the trying times. You guys are the greatest ever and I hope that our friendships grow more than they are. :0)

I know that I’ve probably mentioned this to you all before but I’m really shy and people scare the crumbs out of me. I have a hard time speaking. Vocal words don’t come naturally to me. I do better with writing things down. If I don’t, I stutter, pause, and fragment my way through conversations. It’s worse when I’m nervous. Speech class is a butt. lol

But in all seriousness, I’m afraid of people. I guess because of my anxiety and shyness, I’m afraid that they’ll judge me for my poor speaking ability. That, and with how my thoughts are fragmented, my words come out the same way. Jumbled and incoherent. It’s difficult to organize them on the spot into something tangible for others. People that don’t know me very well and are not used to it have a hard time understanding. They are constantly asking, ‘what?’ ‘Can you repeat that?’ ‘I don’t understand what you mean.’

It can be so disheartening for me to be stuck in a conversation with someone I do know. But when it’s someone that I don’t? It’s a living hell for me. I’m so skiddish that I mumble and trip my way through the discussion, praying for it to be over.

I say all of this for a certain purpose. If you get a weird, shy anon. It’s most likely me. It’s easier to talk to people online but it’s still hard for me to start the convo with you. Just bare with me until I feel a bit more comfortable and take it off of anon. Or drop me a line first. That’s a good way to get me talking. Take the initiative and talk to shy people. We have a hard time coming to others. We sometimes need a push to get us going. ^^’

Love you all!

Megan

Okay, well, why?

I had a big decision to make this morning. Did I want clover or wildflower honey for my english muffin? I’m blessed that I live like this. I’m blessed because I’m young and don’t have too many cares yet. I’m blessed because I live in a country that has religious tolerance. I could be in a country that kills people like me. I could be homeless. I could be without food or clothes. I’m blessed that this is probably my biggest worry today. I’m blessed because I’m alive.

Many times, we in developed countries take advantage of what we have. We forget

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Yes, I’m single. Yes, I’m a virgin. No, I’m not a lesbian. Yes, I’m 20. Yes, I’m watching anime.

There’s much worse that I could be doing.

But I hate fighting. I hate loud noises and voices. It’s like sensory overload for me and I just shut down. It doesn’t matter if I know them or not. It could be a mom yelling at her kid in the store and my mind just freezes. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Is it my anxiety that causes this or what? It drives me crazy because it’s all I can do to function at mealtime at school. They’re so loud in there. It’s disorienting and hard to go about my activities when I’m having to go hide in the bathroom or blocking it all out with my iPod. Can’t talk to people if I can’t hear them. Ugh. My life.